christ has died christ has risen (lol)

in the spirit of easter happy dog mom lit journal has been resurrected

~~~the START OF SOMETHING NEW~~~
feeling p alive, great to be here thank you for all the support in the downtime this is a new chapter in the HDMJL life we have new spirit backing us we are reaching into beyond and pulling out the soul of the future and putting it into the now it feels really great we are honored

we will also be releasing a special edition commemorative echapbook of the bible in chiller font this saturday the holy saturday of april on the sixth. it will be a great chiller font and probably 24-36 size font maybe a red or a black color.

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|    ~~\  ~-.     XXXXX`)))),                 _.--~~   .-~~~   |
 ~~~~~~~`\   ~\~~~XXX' _/ ';))     |~~~~~~..-~     _.-~ ~~~~~~~ 
          `\   ~~--`_\~\, ;;;\)__.---.~~~      _.-~             
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 yrs,

 editorial staff

Yep

african savanna by grandpa grandpaington

A rare photo of std in the african savanna with a gorilla and he is talking about the wonderful site he runs.





Grandpa Grandpaington is an octopus losing at the game of scrabble.

I am pretending that I am dead? Help..? By King Crab

Hey guys, my name is Courtney and I am 17.

So there is this girl I hate named Jane who had a big party and I went. We got into a huge argument and I left and went into the backyard to get away from her. She followed me outside and she was arguing with me and stuff and then out of nowhere she pushed me so hard! She grabbed me and tried to take me down and I was down on the ground and she climbed on top of me and she was choking me and smashing me onto the ground.

I pretended I was unconscious and she was freaking out.

She picked me up and started dragging me even though I was awake, I was pretending I was unconscious.

I peeked and saw she was dragging me towards the pool!! I quickly took in a huge breathe and she held up my body beside the water and she threw me into the pool! I did the dead mans float and I held my breathe as long as I could then I turned around to breathe and Jane was gone.

I heard her coming back so I quickly started floating again and then someone grabbed my leg and pulled me out of the water. It was Jane and her boyfriend, I kept pretending to be unconscious. Jane said she threw me in the water to get off any evidence that was one me. She said I was in the water for about 10 minutes so im probably dead and she checked my pulse and I kept pretending I was unconsicous and that IDIOT couldnt find anything and assumed i was dead.

i saw my cellphone on the ground, it fell out of my pocket before jane threw me into the pool. they left for a second so i turned on the voice recorder and put the phone in my pocket. they dragged me across the grass around to the front of the house and then they lifted me up and took me upstairs and put me in the closet in janes room!!

when they left i got out and dried myself off and i didnt leave behind any clues, i climbed out of janes window and went home.

help! what should i do!





King Crab lives in the sea with his Queen Crab Wife and crab kids.

Like This Post by Blippy Flippy

like this post

like this post

like this post

like this post

who will be the first to

like this post

who will be the first to

like this post

like this post

like this post

like this post

like this post

who will be the first to

like this post

who will be the first to

like this post

Jackson Nieuwland

Jackson Nieuwland

Jackson Nieuwland

Jackson Nieuwland

Jackson Nieuwland

Jackson Niweuland

Jackson Nieuwland

Jackson Nieuwland

if likes were bears and

clicking were caging they'd

call him Jackson Zooland

ohhhhhh

if likes were turds and

clicking were flushing they'd

call him Jackson Pooland

Somewhere in the rain Blippy Flippy is a dingus.

What we tweet @SHAQ when we think about tweeting @SHAQ by @Shaqfan85

I woke up today and said to myself today in the mirror, @Shaqfan85, I’m going to have sex with you. I had sex with myself. After I had sex with myself I went and ate a sandwich. I like sandwiches. The sandwich I made today was made of two pieces of bread, two pieces of American cheese from cellophane wrappers, two pieces of thick cut bologna, and a handful of Doritos brand cheese tortilla chips. I said to myself after I ate this sandwich, @Shaqfan85, you had sex with your mouth when you ate that sandwich. I replied to myself, I sure did, didn’t I? Then I took a shower. I thought about my twitter in the shower. I thought about tweeting something funny after the shower about the shower. I forgot to tweet something about the shower after the shower. It was funny, but I forgot it. I am saying to myself right now, Damnit, @Shaqfan85, maybe @SHAQ would have said like, ‘Damn, that @Shaqfan85is a funny dude and I am going to retweet that to my followers.’ Many days when I have sex with myself I think about writing tweets @SHAQ might retweet his followers. I think about those people retweeting my tweet from @SHAQ. I thought of writing a tweet the other day @SHAQ might like. I thought to tweet: If I rub @SHAQ will @SHAQZAM appear and grant me 3 wishes? I think both @SHAQ and @SHAQZAM are owned by @SHAQ so he would retweet both of them. He would probably reply with something like: @Shaqfan85 U might get 3 punches if you rub @SHAQ. I’m laughing and having sex with myself as I think about this.



@Shaqfan85 likes @SHAQ

texts exchanged while attending an alt lit poetry reading on edgewood avenue, atlanta by God Prince

its at an apartment place yeah !!
There fine.
I am standing in the stairwell.
We can get the ones without bacon.



God Prince once opened for of Montreal.

or

God Prince wonders why Skrillex and Steve Roggenbuck have never been seen together in the same room.

or

God Prince wants to be "crying" in his first "author photograph."

or

Garry Shandling recently blocked God Prince over Twitter.

It was a very sensual track by Tim McGraw I was nervous and it hit home I felt it in my stomach and my eyes because I was crying by King Crab

I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
And he said
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying"



King Crab lives in the sea with his Queen Crab Wife and crab kids.

POST AWP-OCALYPSE MANIFESTO by Broseph Ballin’

Literature Is Dead
It died giving birth to us
Time & place of Death
was at a party last weekend
the “AWPocalypse”

we kidnapped the professors
emeritus from the conference
and murdered them
and wrote bro-ems in their blood

we used a detector
to find spies from MFA programs
and made them dig their own graves
in the back yard

Bombs went off
in every English department in America
full of pudding
to represent “jizz”

at a party
writers did things
they have never done before
like drugs
and drinking beers
from a can

at a party
writers used words
they have never used before
at least six writers said “fucking”
I think

at a party
writers liked music
they never liked before
by which I mean Rap music

at a party
there were no nerds
and no one was ugly
or sad

at a party
I found someone’s inhaler
and inhaled all of it
that was funny

at a party
there was only love
and enthusiasm
and noooo lonely-times
I didn’t even check gmail

I fell on the floor
and humped it for an hour
my face wet with tears
from the force of all the
love

in the Post AWPocalypse
Ryde or Dye
pick a Syde or Dye

in the Post AWPocalypse
there is no Literature
only Wi-Fiterature
about real life:
boredom, loneliness, and love

in the Post AWPocalypse
we don’t read books
by the dead
their death will rub off on us

in the Post AWPocalypse
trust no one
over the age of 26
or maybe 7 if they’re cool idk

in the Post AWPocalypse
there is a bouncer at readings
to make sure you’re on the list

in the Post AWPocalypse
heterosexual male writers
sort of pretend to be gay
as a way of expressing affection for each other
and also because it’s funny right?
girls like that lol



Broseph Ballin’ is feeling a mixture of respect, annoyance and love. Probably he is just jealous.

Sadness is just happiness turned on its ass by Sprayton T. Rochefort

Your anus is hot like fresh dug sassafras
And when I can't eat it I feel really crass
Because you've again forced me to feel such morass.
I want to be happy but I have no class.
So please flip me over, please 180 my mass
Before I get sullen my wee misty lass
For then I can lick in your sticky crevasse
And sup muddbutt-nuggets which I too soon shall pass
And I'll be more gleeful than a fresh-waxed mustache!
For sadness is just happiness turned on its ass!



Sprayton T. Rochefort is convinced that the AAAAAAAAAA rhyme scheme is the answer for our contemporary malaise and the very thing to kill bad poems dead. His chapbook "I Need a Rim-Shot, Ew, Babybaby" was published in its entirety by Bucket-O-Fun.

Tuesday, March 2, 2012 by Ramona Toilet

I woke up in a pile of shit today
I dreamt I was sleeping in sand

I farted during a meeting at work today
I told them it was the wind

I ate a breast of raw chicken at Jewel today
I asked them why not this if that

I slipped a finger in your ass today
I need a little piece of you with me wherever I go

I peed myself in therapy today
Crying out, “I cannot know God.”

I laid down on the train tracks and fingered myself today
Until the train and I came; It was electric

I slit my wrists in confession today
Wringing my wrinkled arms out, as I let the blood rain down onto the Priest’s fat dick

I cried today
While I was lonely

I died today
While you were inside me
I am the eternal garbageman.



Ramona Toilet was named after a character in a book her mom used to read to her when she was little. It was called When Miscarriages Thrive.

Listen, I think we should start over...

by Terd Macchio

Hello, my name is Terd Macchio, I am a performance poet.
I am going to read you a performance poem.
It is called, Welcome: A Performance Poem

Welcome

Well
Come

Made from the roots well and come
Well: a spring, a source of water, a source of life
Come: the seed of man, semen, a source of life

Drink! Drink from my welcome!

Welcome! Welcome!
Welcome to the jungle!
Aye aye aye...

My penis is the Earth
My urethra a well
And you, audience, are very thirsty

Drink my life away

A famous poet who goes by comedian
Once said “When you fuck someone
You lose a little bit of your soul when you come.
And the only reason to fuck them again
Is to try and get it back.”

Well, ladies and gentleman,
I’ll be back.

The end.