Let's Talk

by King Crab

i.
I have seen America with eager eyes
I have seen America with my friend Kevin

ii.
I meant to say "black tights" but
I said "black rights" accidentally

iii.
baby, I'm gonna knock you 'round
like the bouncing cube on this Windows screensaver

iv.
"Yes," I said,
"You look brilliantly homeschooled."

v.
Susan B. Anthony is an animorph
Susan B. Anthony, feminist and half-jaguar

vi.
freedom isn't free if you pay for it
because then it's not free

vii.
why do birds suddenly appear
everytime i bird call?

viii.
call the doctor
ask if I can eat 2 chilli dogs, not just one

ix.
sensual, exotic
beverages are erotic

x.
i'm putting my foot down
then picking it back up and putting it down again (it's called walking)



King Crab lives in the sea with his Queen Crab and his crab mistresses.  He ate all of his kids.  He has three children's books forthcoming from Harper Collins.

My Night Grilling Corndongs for Dick Jagger's Venezuelan Housekeeper, PussyTanya, and DICKSCOVERING AMERICOCKs Taste Better When I'm Being AsphDYCKziated by Grope Hardy

That nite was tu-nite.


Grope Hardy went home for his brother's funeral and ran into that chunky diabetic girl he dated in high school. Did he ask her to suck him off right there in the "Salty Snacks" aisle at the grocery store? Did she bite because of pent up bitterness from being dumped, or simply because she was hungry? Did she not sever his cock entirely but take a good sized chunk with her and leave him with nothing but a hefty ER bill and a depressing story to tell at the ten year reunion?

CHRISTOPER COLUMBUS IS DICKSCOVERING AMERICOCK by Florence Lawrence

Christoper Columbus discovered America so he could suck some dick. He woke up in Spain one morning and was like “Fuck this, I gotta suck some dick!” so he went to America, because he knew there was a ton of dick to suck there. He got dressed and ran to the king’s castle and was like “Hey King, let me go to America because I gotta suck some dick!” and the King was all “Ok, but first you gotta suck this dick!” so Christopher Columbus sucked that King’s dick until he came three ships full of sailors to take him to the dick-sucking mecca that is America. Once the ships were ready to sail, Christoper Columbus sucked all the sailors’ dicks and pretty soon they were all in America. There was only one problem though: Christopher Columbus couldn’t find any dick to suck! He was about to starve to death when a friendly Native American named Squanto found him. Christoper Columbus immediately started sucking his dick. I mean Christopher Columbus was sucking his own dick, not Squanto’s. Christoper Columbus was too busy sucking his own dick to notice Squanto. When Christopher Columbus was finally done sucking his own dick, another Native American named Pocohontas showed up. She didn’t have a dick, so Christoper Columbus sent her away. He later starved to death due to lack of dicks to suck.


Florence Lawrence is sucking your dick right now. Go ahead, look down.

DICKSCOVERING AMERICOCK

Once long ago in the U.S. of A.
there was an old man named Harry O'Shea.
He willed to his country his massive dong;
the architects built, now it stands strong
as the Washington Monument's core today.



Harry O'Shea Jr. is proud as a peacock of his heritage. And another thing.


Enter the goddamn DICKSCOVERING AMERICOCK CONTEST