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| Poop in my mouth, I will howl... - G-Berg, 1st white rapper |
I’m sorry,
can you repeat the question?
As you
know—cause everyone and their mother knows—not my mother—she’s dead—I killed
her—I was afraid she’d find out I write Old Sincerity fiction, you see—as we
all know, one pioneer of Old Sincerity is Dogwalk Happen. Originally a beat
poet, Dogwalk was ostracized from the coffeehouse scene for shitting in Allen
Ginsberg’s mouth in 1955 while he was asleep (Ginsberg was asleep, that is, not
Dogwalk, he was quite awake as he did the shitting). Though this act catapulted
Dogwalk out of the up-and-coming writer scene that would one day inspire
19-year-olds to read “On the Road” and become even bigger dicks than we ever
thought possible, it’s important to point out that this ol’ “shit fiasco”
inspired Ginsberg’s most famous poem, “Howl.” “I saw the best minds of my
generation destroyed by madness,” being a direct reference to Dogwalk’s disdain
for opinions, ideas and emotions.
From there,
Dogwalk spent most of his time trying to “game” the system. That is, he held no
job, wrote no poetry, and was on welfare.
Don’t go to
the Appalachians kids – it could happen to you.
In recent
years, as you know, as everyone knows, during Dogwalk’s “sabbatical,” a new
generation of poets rose to more concretely define what Dogwalk started. I
first met the likes of Edmund Paddlebath, Sinclair Arnold, JJ Curry Ford, and
Fritzlos as I roamed the streets of LA, attending readings in which poets
forwent the traditional process of using words to convey ideas, and just cried
uncontrollably on stage. This, as we all know, was a precursor to Old Insincerity,
containing too much raw material to be really insincere. Also, there were in
fact women there too, but they’ve all gone on and married and had kids, so I
don’t see any reason to mention them.
It wasn’t
until Terd Macchio’s novels “Powerlifting at Sears Automotive” and “Reed
Richards” that a concrete Old Insincerity scene or “voice” started to form.
With Terd’s success, Alternating Literature became more popular, particularly
with toddlers whose discerning taste in language was well suited for the work
being written. Combined with Dogwalk’s return to writing (specifically, writing
murder mysteries about the color spectrum), Terd and Dogwalk have started to
define a generation of writers tired of what their professors are telling them
to read, and are determined to create work that future students will similarly
get tired of.
Terd insists
that Old Insincerity is about spending the most amount of time you can on a
piece to ensure you get the most meaning out of it. Literally, that is. Taking
any semblance of meaning, and chucking it right out the window. “If the piece
is heartfelt, or emotional, or true in any manner of speaking, it’s not
insincere, and only pussies write sincerely,” Terd Macchio has said. “Sometimes
I’ll spend days replacing all my adjectives with different types of vegetables.
And don’t even get me started on verbs. Don’t use verbs in your poetry.”
Dogwalk has
called into question, as we all know (you know this right?), Terd’s actual
dedication to Old Insincerity.
“He wrote this
really truthful, caring piece about his mother.” Dogwalk recently complained.
“It was full of spelling errors, didn’t have one capital letter, and was raw
emotion. It was disgusting. I don’t care if it was for his mother’s memorial,
you put one iota of sincerity into your work, then you’re not Alternating Lit
material.”
As
personalities clash, there are many things to ask. Where is Alternating Lit
going? Where is Old Insincerity going? Should we try to define it? What’s the
use of defining it? Does it really help to define something? Can that turn
people off to it? Does it make those who define it sound like they’re in some
sort of club that no person in their right mind would want to join? Does
Fritzlos really prevent himself from going number two through sheer concentration
alone?
Who the fuck
cares.
<3
Terd Macchio
