by Nannerz Hildebrandt
oh, that's right, my important true story, i almost forgot to tell you guys. it's about how i got shat out of a massive bird. it's very important. and all true.
so one time i was questing my way up a naturally-formed spire when i noticed, there at its cartoon apex, a very large egg. the egg had a particular, peculiar tint, like almost a type of shimmer you'd call "serpentine," and i realized it would go perfectly with the pop-surrealism painting i have above my fireplace at home.
i am pretty sure the painting is a todd schorr, but i can never keep those assholes straight. all i know is, i can't afford murakami. you know, with all the smiling daisies? that's murakami. no, the OTHER murakami. oh, well, that's ok; he was really "in" a few years ago, just so you know. anyway, this oversized egg had just the right touch of "whimsy" my living room needs. hmm. if i could just somehow fix a large glass plate atop the egg i'd finally have a size-appropriate end-table, i reasoned blithely.
so i was thinking about what types of coasters i should buy for my new end-table, but i was also trying to figure out how to hoist the egg back home. i really needed this egg. and i had JUST constructed a complicated machine, an entire system of levers and pulleys made up of a hundred little moving parts, all using naught but stones and ropes and twigs, when i suddenly heard this "caw caw, caw caw" overhead. that was when i first noticed i was actually standing in a large birdnest, which inexplicably i had heretofore not acknowledged.
