I woke up today and said to myself today in the mirror, @Shaqfan85, I’m going to have sex with you. I had sex with myself. After I had sex with myself I went and ate a sandwich. I like sandwiches. The sandwich I made today was made of two pieces of bread, two pieces of American cheese from cellophane wrappers, two pieces of thick cut bologna, and a handful of Doritos brand cheese tortilla chips. I said to myself after I ate this sandwich, @Shaqfan85, you had sex with your mouth when you ate that sandwich. I replied to myself, I sure did, didn’t I? Then I took a shower. I thought about my twitter in the shower. I thought about tweeting something funny after the shower about the shower. I forgot to tweet something about the shower after the shower. It was funny, but I forgot it. I am saying to myself right now, Damnit, @Shaqfan85, maybe @SHAQ would have said like, ‘Damn, that @Shaqfan85is a funny dude and I am going to retweet that to my followers.’ Many days when I have sex with myself I think about writing tweets @SHAQ might retweet his followers. I think about those people retweeting my tweet from @SHAQ. I thought of writing a tweet the other day @SHAQ might like. I thought to tweet: If I rub @SHAQ will @SHAQZAM appear and grant me 3 wishes? I think both @SHAQ and @SHAQZAM are owned by @SHAQ so he would retweet both of them. He would probably reply with something like: @Shaqfan85 U might get 3 punches if you rub @SHAQ. I’m laughing and having sex with myself as I think about this.
@Shaqfan85 likes @SHAQ