i hate you kyle beachy

by peterbd

i hate you kyle beachy

is this even your real name?

i hate that you have this awesome ass name

i wish your name was something lame like thurston

or peter

i'd definitely not hate you if you had one of these names

oh my god, i hate you

what are you, like some kinda talented writer dude?

some talented, writer chill bro

just pick one

you can't be a chill bro as well as a talented writer

it's not fair to us common men!

hating you would be harder if you weren't such a chillax

writer of prose

so stop it already. stop being so talented

stop being humble and nice

and a well rounded individual

you're a kickass individual

this elicits hate from me

stop paying your bills on time

stop holding the door for strangers

just stop being kyle beachy

but most importantly

stop beating people at arm wrestling whom

you have no business beating

my hate for you will drop 100% if this occurs


i'd 100% not hate you


  1. humble? nice? are there two kyle beachys?

  2. This "poem" has officially traveled into the dangerous areas of East Coast West Coast bragging self-interested scene obsessed, personality obsessed world of stupid shit and while this is harmless awful satire, it's also really boring to read about Kyle Beachy.

    1. Um, what about the Third Coast? Of which Kyle Beachy is an active member. Highly active! Highly Strong! Highly arm wrestley! I'm not sure what I'm talking about but then I'm not sure what anonymous is talking about either.

    2. oh wow that's a lot of words I ain't reading it!

      thanks for the comment tho!

    3. Isn't "harmless" and "awful" kind of the best way to describe this blog?

  3. I am talking about fucking up everything you stand for. AWP this year isn't going to live through the lava rain.

    1. We have no idea what we stand for.

      The Management.