Old Insincerity by Terd Macchio

Poop in my mouth, I will howl... - G-Berg, 1st white rapper

Old Insincerity, as we all know, has been a movement that hasn’t only shocked the nation but has rocked the very foundations of the written world. But what, and more specifically who, and more-more specifically how is Old Insincerity?

I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?

As you know—cause everyone and their mother knows—not my mother—she’s dead—I killed her—I was afraid she’d find out I write Old Sincerity fiction, you see—as we all know, one pioneer of Old Sincerity is Dogwalk Happen. Originally a beat poet, Dogwalk was ostracized from the coffeehouse scene for shitting in Allen Ginsberg’s mouth in 1955 while he was asleep (Ginsberg was asleep, that is, not Dogwalk, he was quite awake as he did the shitting). Though this act catapulted Dogwalk out of the up-and-coming writer scene that would one day inspire 19-year-olds to read “On the Road” and become even bigger dicks than we ever thought possible, it’s important to point out that this ol’ “shit fiasco” inspired Ginsberg’s most famous poem, “Howl.” “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness,” being a direct reference to Dogwalk’s disdain for opinions, ideas and emotions.

From there, Dogwalk spent most of his time trying to “game” the system. That is, he held no job, wrote no poetry, and was on welfare.

Don’t go to the Appalachians kids – it could happen to you.

In recent years, as you know, as everyone knows, during Dogwalk’s “sabbatical,” a new generation of poets rose to more concretely define what Dogwalk started. I first met the likes of Edmund Paddlebath, Sinclair Arnold, JJ Curry Ford, and Fritzlos as I roamed the streets of LA, attending readings in which poets forwent the traditional process of using words to convey ideas, and just cried uncontrollably on stage. This, as we all know, was a precursor to Old Insincerity, containing too much raw material to be really insincere. Also, there were in fact women there too, but they’ve all gone on and married and had kids, so I don’t see any reason to mention them.

It wasn’t until Terd Macchio’s novels “Powerlifting at Sears Automotive” and “Reed Richards” that a concrete Old Insincerity scene or “voice” started to form. With Terd’s success, Alternating Literature became more popular, particularly with toddlers whose discerning taste in language was well suited for the work being written. Combined with Dogwalk’s return to writing (specifically, writing murder mysteries about the color spectrum), Terd and Dogwalk have started to define a generation of writers tired of what their professors are telling them to read, and are determined to create work that future students will similarly get tired of.

Terd insists that Old Insincerity is about spending the most amount of time you can on a piece to ensure you get the most meaning out of it. Literally, that is. Taking any semblance of meaning, and chucking it right out the window. “If the piece is heartfelt, or emotional, or true in any manner of speaking, it’s not insincere, and only pussies write sincerely,” Terd Macchio has said. “Sometimes I’ll spend days replacing all my adjectives with different types of vegetables. And don’t even get me started on verbs. Don’t use verbs in your poetry.”

Dogwalk has called into question, as we all know (you know this right?), Terd’s actual dedication to Old Insincerity.

“He wrote this really truthful, caring piece about his mother.” Dogwalk recently complained. “It was full of spelling errors, didn’t have one capital letter, and was raw emotion. It was disgusting. I don’t care if it was for his mother’s memorial, you put one iota of sincerity into your work, then you’re not Alternating Lit material.”

As personalities clash, there are many things to ask. Where is Alternating Lit going? Where is Old Insincerity going? Should we try to define it? What’s the use of defining it? Does it really help to define something? Can that turn people off to it? Does it make those who define it sound like they’re in some sort of club that no person in their right mind would want to join? Does Fritzlos really prevent himself from going number two through sheer concentration alone?

Who the fuck cares.

<3

Terd Macchio