Handjobs Are Bleak Unless You Have Some Lube, Then They Can Be Pretty Decent, It Mainly Comes Down to Technique, I Guess

by Dirk Hamburglar

I’malike you finish that McDouble cheeseburger yet?
Shealike I’malike gonna lick off the cheese
pieces stuck to the paper. I’malike is that a fetish?
Shealike Idonno I can’t check tags on my tumblr
causeI’malike without hands. Fuck! somebody said.
Think she said fuck cause her one hand was McDouble
her other hand was quarter-pounder. That’s me,
the Quarter-pounder or a hamburger of greater weight
and girth because if my dick isabe in a poem, it’sabe huge!
No fucking cheese on my hamburger of great size
causeashe not done with the handjob, then licking
the melted cheese pieces off the wrapping paper.
Fuck! somebody said. Think I said fuck then causeI’malike
fuck we had Arby’s coupons and a French Dip sounds good.
She’salike if that’s somesorta way to get a blow job
it’slikeanot gonna work, you think my mouth is meat juice?
I’malike no I want a fuckin French Dip and a mouth dip
but like we don’t have coupons and whenyouagonna finish here?
She’salike I can’t handle your huge triple patty Quarter-pounder
with bacon with just one hand. Nah, she didn’t say that.
I put that in the poem, she just said fuckinfinishalreadyIwannaplaywordswithfriends!



Dirk Hamburglar hates seeded buns (that means bumpy asses.)