Handjobs Are Bleak Unless You Have Some Lube, Then They Can Be Pretty Decent, It Mainly Comes Down to Technique, I Guess

by Emmett Shimm

handjob from a Native American
redskin on my foreskin
chafing deadskin
bark is treeskin is one-eyed snakeskin
maybe a post-load-blow cuddle?
but not on my small pox blanket


handjob from a zombie
rotting like that
look that!
like that methane emitting skinpencil
that ravens in gutters smell
jizz is liquid brains that decayed pork paste


handjob from a bird
pecker
pecker
pecker
pecker
pecker
peck her
pecker
peck her
pecker
pecker
pecker
pecker paste
SKEET!

handjob with a cigarette
the smoke of my own crotch
the smoke of my fresh-cracked untamed va-jay-jay
smoke my "energy revolution" of the nipples



handjob from an occupy-er
occupy where?
occupy my panties!
shit peanut butter but can't cut a dime
Americans need (hand)jobs
99% of the pleasure comes from the last 1% of the handjob


handjob in a Shell station bathroom
her name was Thirsty
Thirsty Mega Gulp
"all I wear are tight black hoodies and lacy pink boy shorts"
"why are those red toenails chipped?"
"nubbed from kneeling on linoleum all night "
the handjob was doubleplus good, dece-plus
later the Indian man at the counter doesn't hand me my change
it slides down a metal shoot
where I grab it


handjob from charles manson
"I make the money; I roll the nickels."
is that a roll of nickels in your pocket
or are you just happy to be getting a handjob?



Emmett Shimm buys Harlequin novels at the local thrift store's '25% off Tuesdays.' After burning them Emmett mixes the ash into a tub of plain yogurt. Add a dash of paprika and tell the neighbors to bring chips.