This toilet
is a piece
of shit,
you said.
I said
now that
is the def-
inition of
irony.
Also,
I want
a divorce.
Dogwalk Happen thinks poetry is the most horrible, pretentious, despicable garbage ever created. He would like you to know that what he writes is glow-etry, which is at least twice as bad.
Slim’s in Love, Bitch (With a Motherfucking Beauty Of A Lady)
by Dr. Dingleberry Slim
Slim was walking
And Slim don’t walk
Slim slides
Down streets that are glue for you
But Slim was walking
Cause he didn’t want to outdo
Never wants to outdo
A Lady with a Capital L and C
If you know what I mean
So Slim was talking
And Slim don’t talk
Slim grows word forests for you
Inside your brain
But Slim was talking
Cause he didn’t want to outdo
Never wants to outdo
A Beauty with a Capital B and C
If you know what I mean
So Slim was kissing
And Slim don’t kiss
Slim slithers and smoochresses
Inside your mouth
But Slim was kissing
Cause he didn’t want to outdo
Never wants to outdo
A Darling Baby with a Capital D, B and C
If you know what I mean
So Slim was fucking
And Slim don’t fuck
Slim invades and liquid conquers
Inside your wet corner pocket
But Slim was fucking
Wearing a raincoat on his rainmaker
Cause Slim is in love
With a Motherfucking Beauty Of A Lady
With a Capital M, B, O, A, L and C
If you know what I mean.
Do you?
It’s an Acronym
Bitches!
We don't know if Dingleberry Slim will be at the Happy Dog Mom AWP reading, but we want him to be there. And we want him to read. We don't want him to try to stick a pen up our butt while screaming "oil check!" ever again.
Slim was walking
And Slim don’t walk
Slim slides
Down streets that are glue for you
But Slim was walking
Cause he didn’t want to outdo
Never wants to outdo
A Lady with a Capital L and C
If you know what I mean
So Slim was talking
And Slim don’t talk
Slim grows word forests for you
Inside your brain
But Slim was talking
Cause he didn’t want to outdo
Never wants to outdo
A Beauty with a Capital B and C
If you know what I mean
So Slim was kissing
And Slim don’t kiss
Slim slithers and smoochresses
Inside your mouth
But Slim was kissing
Cause he didn’t want to outdo
Never wants to outdo
A Darling Baby with a Capital D, B and C
If you know what I mean
So Slim was fucking
And Slim don’t fuck
Slim invades and liquid conquers
Inside your wet corner pocket
But Slim was fucking
Wearing a raincoat on his rainmaker
Cause Slim is in love
With a Motherfucking Beauty Of A Lady
With a Capital M, B, O, A, L and C
If you know what I mean.
Do you?
It’s an Acronym
Bitches!
We don't know if Dingleberry Slim will be at the Happy Dog Mom AWP reading, but we want him to be there. And we want him to read. We don't want him to try to stick a pen up our butt while screaming "oil check!" ever again.
From 'Fins & Fangs'
by J. J. Curry Ford
The wood tipped trident grazed Vincent's neck. "Don't move," Aquanis growled.
"You better not hesitate, Aquanis. You waver one second, I will tear out your throat and feed what's left of you to your children and your grand children."
"Tsk, tsk, Vincent, you and your...violence. You make my cold blood...burn." Vincent watched Aquanis' tail wrap around his waist, Aquanis' fin undoing Vincent's belt. The tail wrapped around around Vincent's legs. Vincent watched as his pants floated out the door, into the next room.
"Aquanis...what...what are you doing?"
"Oh my dear boy, haven't you figure it out by now?" Aquanis' taut, clammy abs caressed the small of Vincent's back. "I'm going to be doing..."
The wood tipped trident grazed Vincent's neck. "Don't move," Aquanis growled.
"You better not hesitate, Aquanis. You waver one second, I will tear out your throat and feed what's left of you to your children and your grand children."
"Tsk, tsk, Vincent, you and your...violence. You make my cold blood...burn." Vincent watched Aquanis' tail wrap around his waist, Aquanis' fin undoing Vincent's belt. The tail wrapped around around Vincent's legs. Vincent watched as his pants floated out the door, into the next room.
"Aquanis...what...what are you doing?"
"Oh my dear boy, haven't you figure it out by now?" Aquanis' taut, clammy abs caressed the small of Vincent's back. "I'm going to be doing..."
Allen Ginsberg - I'd Eat That Ass, Unsoaped
A review of Gregory Sherl's Heavy Petting
The way he washes his hands in the morning
makes my karma tweet like a parakeet.
I want to roll his balloon knot around my tongue
like the way he rolls his tongue around klonopin.
We're both good at ruining things.
My cock is a librarian
I know you want to check out.
**** out of **** stars.
The way he washes his hands in the morning
makes my karma tweet like a parakeet.
I want to roll his balloon knot around my tongue
like the way he rolls his tongue around klonopin.
We're both good at ruining things.
My cock is a librarian
I know you want to check out.
**** out of **** stars.
Blue in the River
by Nathaniel Tower
Blue enjoys fucking and getting fucked by German men in the river. She's one of those artsy types, and she makes them paint her portrait afterwards. Sometimes she paints the sunrise while she's getting pounded by the German schnitzels, always facing east so she can see the glimmering golds and pinks and whatnots.
Lately she's been seeing this one man, Gunther, exclusively. He tells her there is no 'h' in his name, but she puts it there anyway. He can't paint worth a damn, but the sex is much better than any painting she's ever seen—although she is thinking of painting the pair having sex in the river at sunset, just to try something different. Not that she will actually have sex in the river during sunset. That just seems barbaric to her.
"Can I paint you tonight?" Gunther asks during a particularly rousing morning session. Blue isn't painting today because it's cloudy.
Blue hates looking at Gunther's paintings, and she hates sitting for them. The last one was so hideous she couldn't even orgasm in the river the next day.
Blue enjoys fucking and getting fucked by German men in the river. She's one of those artsy types, and she makes them paint her portrait afterwards. Sometimes she paints the sunrise while she's getting pounded by the German schnitzels, always facing east so she can see the glimmering golds and pinks and whatnots.
Lately she's been seeing this one man, Gunther, exclusively. He tells her there is no 'h' in his name, but she puts it there anyway. He can't paint worth a damn, but the sex is much better than any painting she's ever seen—although she is thinking of painting the pair having sex in the river at sunset, just to try something different. Not that she will actually have sex in the river during sunset. That just seems barbaric to her.
"Can I paint you tonight?" Gunther asks during a particularly rousing morning session. Blue isn't painting today because it's cloudy.
Blue hates looking at Gunther's paintings, and she hates sitting for them. The last one was so hideous she couldn't even orgasm in the river the next day.
A Friend
by Michelle Whatever
I remember when I first met you. There you were. You were crying uncontrollably. It was your first day of kindergarten and you were scared shitless. Then you told me the white crescents on my fingernails were called ‘moons’ and grew/shrank based on how much milk one drank. I knew we were friends from that moment.
You and I hung out a little bit.
The third grade we had the same shitty teacher who hated us. Your friends were my friends. My friends were your friends. We began to hang out more and more. We sat next to each other in class.
My parents hated you. They told nine-year old me things like ‘one day that kid will die of a drug overdose. His body will be destroyed there won’t be anything left. All that will be left is a tiny piece of him, like a smudge of an experiment gone wrong.’
Hello Happy Dog Mom Lit Journal
by Noah Cicero
This is Noah Cicero
It is 2:15 in the morning
I am very tired
I kind of feel like a sad metaphor
A really fucking sad metaphor
something about wind and a cold winter night
I'm on my computer
I feel like I should fall asleep
but
I don't know if sleep matters to me anymore, so I just do it when I lay down, I lay down, then sleep comes, then I am sleeping and eventually I wake up
and I go on
Tonight I read your blog
and started to think about Homer sitting outside on a rock scribbling out The Iliad
No I didn't
I'm lying
I was thinking about how I needed to wash my work clothes tomorrow
Noah Cicero sent us this email and it took us over a month to respond. We're pretty sure this was his suicide letter. Anyone know if he's dead?
This is Noah Cicero
It is 2:15 in the morning
I am very tired
I kind of feel like a sad metaphor
A really fucking sad metaphor
something about wind and a cold winter night
I'm on my computer
I feel like I should fall asleep
but
I don't know if sleep matters to me anymore, so I just do it when I lay down, I lay down, then sleep comes, then I am sleeping and eventually I wake up
and I go on
Tonight I read your blog
and started to think about Homer sitting outside on a rock scribbling out The Iliad
No I didn't
I'm lying
I was thinking about how I needed to wash my work clothes tomorrow
Noah Cicero sent us this email and it took us over a month to respond. We're pretty sure this was his suicide letter. Anyone know if he's dead?
WHAT THE FUCK WE DOIN BOUT CIVIL RIGHTS ON V-DAY
Tagz:
Count Mackula
by Count Mackula
THE RULE OF VAGINAS AND PENISES
WAS A PEACEFUL RULE
THE LAND WAS FULL OF SINGING
MAINLY INVOLVING PITCH PIPES
MAN WHAT THE FUCK WE DOIN BOUT CIVIL RIGHTS ON V-DAY
Count Mackula is not a fucking children's cereal, so maybe you need to get your head out your ass. His work has been published in Thieves' Jargon, Thieves' Widow, Thebes, and Prince of Thieves.
THE RULE OF VAGINAS AND PENISES
WAS A PEACEFUL RULE
THE LAND WAS FULL OF SINGING
MAINLY INVOLVING PITCH PIPES
MAN WHAT THE FUCK WE DOIN BOUT CIVIL RIGHTS ON V-DAY
Count Mackula is not a fucking children's cereal, so maybe you need to get your head out your ass. His work has been published in Thieves' Jargon, Thieves' Widow, Thebes, and Prince of Thieves.
Happy Dog Mom MOTHA FUKKIN AWP READING Litjournal
We're doooooooing it
We're having a reading
we ain't going to AWP, obviousl, we're not pussies
BUT WE'RE HAVING ONE IN CHICAGO DURING AWP
When: Friday, March 2nd, A Million O' Clock
Where: Chicago (it's a secret)
Readers:
Dogwalk Happen (he left his apartment! Or, well, plans on it!)
Terd Macchio
Mad Rapper YOUNG SHADE
Yumi Mi Tummi
Fritzlos and guest
Florence Lawrence
Sinclair Arnold
Ross McMillan
Stephen Tully Dierks???
AND MORE>>>
We're having a reading
we ain't going to AWP, obviousl, we're not pussies
BUT WE'RE HAVING ONE IN CHICAGO DURING AWP
When: Friday, March 2nd, A Million O' Clock
Where: Chicago (it's a secret)
Readers:
Dogwalk Happen (he left his apartment! Or, well, plans on it!)
Terd Macchio
Mad Rapper YOUNG SHADE
Yumi Mi Tummi
Fritzlos and guest
Florence Lawrence
Sinclair Arnold
Ross McMillan
Stephen Tully Dierks???
AND MORE>>>
Try to Run by Young Shade
Young Shade is a rapper from the south side of Chicago. He likes the movie Scarface and weird online lit mags.
My peen is a pen
by Jackoff Wueinland
I keep a pile of pages of poems in progress
by my bed,
not to make notes,
to jerkoff onto
Jackoff Wueinland fucks unicorns
I keep a pile of pages of poems in progress
by my bed,
not to make notes,
to jerkoff onto
Jackoff Wueinland fucks unicorns
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