Everybody Every Body Body EVER EE U Ohhhhh

by Clitty Auras

Everybody Every Body Body EVER EE U Ohhhhh from Clitty Auras on Vimeo.

Clitty Auras is the legendary performance artists from South Bend, Indiana who disrupted your mom's paradigm last night.

Tom Wolfe’s "The Nutcracker"

by J. J. Curry Ford

Dawn lathers the Nutcracker’s hat with T.G. Lee fat free non-alcoholic egg nog. She places it on the night stand next her side of the bed, watches the nog drip into his eyes, across his rosy cheeks, a little dribbling into his beard. Her feet dangle from the side of the bed, white Wal-Mart panties hanging off on her left foot.

***

“What the Hell are you doing?”

Dan doesn’t hear the door open or the laundry basket falling out of his mother’s hand. He’s glad he’s standing, glad that the backrest of his black office swivel chair hides his nakedness between his stomach and knees. Dawn looks down at The Nutcracker’s trembling legs, how his boots slap against Dan’s upper thighs.

J. J. Curry Ford is a tween paranormal romance novelist. His first book, Fins and Fangs, comes out in 2012.

Dick Bag (aka A Bag Full of Dicks)

by Gimais Cockwaller

I had a dog named Dick Bag
I called him this because he was always full of dicks
We would be walking down the street, and people would shove dicks in him
Not their own, other peoples'
Or like dicks they found, just lying around, unused
There are so many unused dicks, people kept just finding them,
and shoving them into my dog.
Soon he was so full of dicks
So, so full

So soulful.
Dick Bag.

Gimais Cockwaller is an animal lover, committed to emotional truth. He is so emotionally true in basically everything he does. His poetry is influenced by the "psychedelic" movement of the sixties, and also the Beats.

David and Ofelia: A Dialogue

by Zane P. Tummler

DAVID: “The environmental needle caught the constitutional supermarket, didn’t it?”

OFELIA: “Of course it did! After all, the beneficial shadow is what transferred the statistical backbone, right?”

DAVID: “Yes, obviously, but then why would the delicious slipper take the secret carpenter?”

OFELIA: “Because if not, then the sore ellipsis would have to mesmerize the enormous bookcase!”

DAVID: “Nonsense! Clearly, the molecular walrus has no trouble desegregating the unruly zebra, so how could that be true?”

OFELIA: “Have you forgotten that the homogenous caterpillar never caramelized the specific value?”

Your Virginity by Yresias Eterdanner

A review of my ex-girlfriend's cat in the form of a poem

by Terd Macchio

Her cat is blind, as in,
he has no God damn eyes.
He just sits in her living room
caterwauling at enigmatic shadows
that simply are not there.

I like him.

Black with patches he's
gangly like me and boney
like your grandmother in
the last days of her life.
She was blind too, wasn't she?

I like him more than her.

Terd Macchio is a lover, not a figher. Find his credits at www.okcupid.com/profile/Cattatostrophe.

O-BITCHYary: Dear Melissa Broder

People who think deer should die are the LAST people who should decide when it's time for a deer to be dead. I hold this truth to be self-evident. Guess somebody should have told Melissa Broder over HTMLlittlest. Fact is, over at the tiny yesterday she was "joking" about how deer are dead.

Now ok, you might say, no, she was joking about how deer are dead as muses because it's a tired trope / cliche you see all the time in literature, BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Here's why: did you see the picture she used?

Let me refresh ya:

Yeah, folks, yeah. Deer are cute, and they're great muses! Why shouldn't I have my deer anymore? Because Melissa Broder has a problem with my art?

It reminds me of this time when I was a kid and my dad took me hunting, right? So we're hunting and we're hunting and all of a sudden this deer rushes out of the woods and it just tramples my dad and me. And my dad is dead. And when I got out of the hospital I was thinking, no way deer are something to be messed with. Deer will mess you up. They're so strong.

SO basically I'm offended because my dad was killed by a deer when it struck his temple with a hoof and then his shotgun discharged in his face when he tried to shoot the deer. I know because I've had so much therapy about it.

Basically, Melissa, think about your words? And how they hurt people who want to be a.) creative and b.) honor their father's memory by drawing pictures of him riding on deer, firing his shotgun into eternity.

Love,

The Editors

"KKKkkKKKkKkKKKkKkKkKKKK" by Fritzlos

g

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• s

k

w

p

m

j
.



Fritzlos is a textual artist.  He lives in the color green.

Basically This by Yresias Eterdanner

////****my LOVE (lie)F*****////

by Azure *sKy* Lark

my heart in the mirror
i listen to it pump
the blood pours down and i like
my face's
reflection
i taste iron
and i know
my blood is real

i want to live inside of the cold
mirror
of my
sorrows
inside of the mirror i can be myself
and dream
of the sky
that is so
clearly blue
and lovely

everybody cuts themselves
when i do it it's to feel like i'm part of something

my eyeliner's thick because
i am thick
and i must be true to myself

let's eat chili and fuck without condoms

EXCERPT: Hummer Lee Battles The Many Reptile Santa Claus by Wilson Riley

Scene opens on a chilly November Morn 1956 (here comes santa claus, as rendered by Metallica (or a band like Metallica) is to be blasting on the soundtrack)

Hummer Lee:

We certainly robbed that bank good this year, Charlie, you know? We will never be captured for our crimes, even murder!

Charlie Lawless:

I know, how could we? We killed all of the witnesses, including that man dressed like Santa Claus. Kids sure will be sad this Christmas, as nothing will be under their Christmas tree. (Laughs) Isn’t that right, Hummer?

Shawty Got Park by Forever Wolf

Forever Wolf has been on the cutting edge of something for like eight years. They are currently waiting for everyone else to catch the eff up.

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<3 The Editors

LYLAS by Spitney Rears

I LOVE ACTIVIA SO MUCH
HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS THING GUYS CALLED YOGURT
OH MY GOD GUYS
IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE
IT IS LIKE FUGE PIE POPSICLE ICECREAM DONUT DAIRYMEISTER BLITZKREIG
BUT WITHOUT THE CALORIES
OH MY GOD I HATE CALORIES
IF THERE IS ONE THING I COULD KILL IT WOULD BE CALORIES
I'D TAKE A BIG BAZOOKA AND I'D BLOW THOSE CALORIES TO KINGDOM COME
SPEAKING OF KINGDOM COME DID YOU SEE THAT MOVIE WITH THAT BRAD PITT FELLA
WHAT A HUNK I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO PUKE WHEN THEY SAID HE WAS GAY
YOU KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE GAYS THEY SPEAK IN THOSE VOICES
AND YOU LIKE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THEM YOU KNOW
ANYWAY GOTTA RUN JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW ABOUT
THAT YOGURT SHIT
LYLAS <3 <3 <3 <3



Spitney Rears has all-natural 28XXX breasts.  Her favorite color is mauve and she has been published in the New Yorker.

A Cold Sweat

by DPKrew

Leg Up Your Salmon Boots by Dogwalk Happen

Sally oh oh






Dogwalk Happen has published fourteen books of poetry (or as he likes
to call it "glow-etry") since 1963.  His most recent book, Imma Pump
You Fulla Cred is forthcoming from Stankyleg Books.

Scary Time Funny Time by Jamie Lee Curtis

My soul cries
out.

Find us a thing that we can
sing.

It
don't mean a thing if it
don't got that swing.





Jamie Lee Curtis has been published in CRZY/TWN and BonkeyMicycle.
She is the found editor of the HamsterDance/DancingBaby Review, which
is the longest running meme-based literary magazine.  She was also in
Halloween.

Sea-Squint

by Jim Jones

Licking sequined snatch
Licking your mom's sequined snatch
Snatch that sparkles sells

I Am Doomed

by Sir Lits-A-Lot

I am inherently doomed

I am having an existential crisis

I am not loquacious

I will never be as sexy as Ira Glass

bummer

Occupy Mars

by Archie Pelego

The young Martians were mad.  They decided to occupy Mars, because they were mad.  The young Martians were spoiled.  They were too lazy and proud to get a job flipping space burgers, so they decided to occupy Mars.

One Martian said to the other, “I hate that there are no jobs, and the space bankers make all the money, so let’s occupy Mars Street on Mars.”  The other Martian replied, “That sounds great!  It beats making an honest living doing hard work, because I’m lazy."